so i may have had the most unlucky day of my entire life on thursday! my finals were officially over and i was getting all packed up to go home for the break. my roommate and i took a lot of time getting the room ready for our absence and packing up our belongings. the last step of the process is to go get my car so i can load everything up. this is always my least favorite part, because us undergrads pay for a parking pass at a dorm that's a ~10 min bus ride away. i hop on the bus and make it to the parking lot, which is a huge expanse of cars on the very edge of town; aka, the only thing surrounding the area are flat fields. this is especially important because on that day, we were experiencing some of the worst winds EVER. like 45 mph (72 km/h) gusts. it was so hard to walk across the parking lot because of the wind, but i finally made it to my car. i remember thinking to myself "wow, it would really suck if i couldn't get into my car, since i can't get into the nearby dorm buildings for shelter..." and, of course, my car was completely dead. when the battery shits out i'm completely unable to use my key fob, which is my only hope because the key itself doesn't work in any of the doors. similarly, the hood and trunk are both inaccessible, which is great because i have a perfectly good jump pack in my trunk that i could have used to revive it (crying emoji). btw, my car is 25 years old, so a lot of the modern luxuries aren't available to me either... AGHH!! so i was freaking the fuck out, i can't feel my extremities, and i almost slip and bust my ass on ice trying to get at least somewhat closer to the building so i can call somebody. i eventually just board a bus back to the dorm and call my dad, who had to drive through a WHITE OUT BLIZZARD to get to me and basically used a locksmith kit to get my door open. it probably took us 2 hours because my door was frozen shut. thankfully we were able to jump the car and load all my stuff up, but i didn't get home til 8 pm ;_; which was stupid because driving in the dark in sketchy blizzard conditions is very dangerous! but anyway, i made it out alive. it was an awful day for everyone. i think maybe i had used up all my luck earlier in the week on my exams, which i suppose i would prefer...?
IM FINALLY FREE GOD BLESS!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm probably gonna go home tomorrow which is #fun and awesome. i get to be there for like a month!! yahoo! unfortunately i should probably do some scholarship and apartment planning stuff over the break but it'll be fun being able to chill out a little bit. i'm honestly scared of being bored because i haven't been able to relax for several months and it feels so wrong doing anything but working and being productive #capitalism! i do have a therapy appointment on friday which i'm looking forward to; i'm supposed to be doing some EMDR but i don't think i'm quite ready to tackle it yet, so I think i'll just ask if we can talk more about cptsd instead. the only thing that's kinda shitty about it is that my therapist is hesitant to make any official diagnoses because of the current administration #yay #fascism but she definitely strongly suggests that i have a lot of stuff lol
urghh.. finals are drawing near... im scared as fuck for my calc exam (again) so i think i'm just gonna have to spend the whole weekend studying... in other news i am so excited about my music page because i found the absolute cutest graphics ever and i got to use them TEHEE!! though unfortunately i get way too deep into it and spend numerous hours editing my site when i really should be doing other things so i burnt a lot of my afternoon doing that u_u; oh well. time enjoyed is never time wasted #truth i have yet to actually put words on the page and now that it's done i literally can't think of anything to write about.. like wtf is the purpose of it then.. anyway i think i'm going to go take a shower because i woke up at 8:30 this morning and forgot that's when they clean our hall's bathroom so i couldn't take a shower :| it pissed me off so bad dude i felt crusty all day!!! i swear i transform into an evil demon when my hair is dirty it's just such a bad feeling AURGHH
i went to the gym for the first time in a while, yahoo!! i've always liked running on the treadmill so i went and did that for about an hour. i alternated between running and walking, and i ended up going for 2 miles in total :-) i hate it when i'm doing it - especially now since i'm just starting back up again - but i feel really proud when i get done. i was mostly inspired by my therapist who told me exercise is a good complement to EMDR; i never thought of this, but i guess running counts as bilateral stimulation and can help you reprocess traumatic memories! super cool. of course it's not a cure-all but combined with the EMDR i'm already doing, i think it'll help a lot. i'm going to try and formulate some tiny new years resolution goals so i can hopefully keep up with it. i feel like new years resolutions are always super lofty, but i think that's a little too overwhelming for me... if i get off track for one day i'll feel like giving up!! i might start off by going to the gym 1x a week to start off. that way i don't have to stress about it as much. super off topic but earlier i found the absolute cutest graphics ever and i have an EVIL idea brewing so i might start that while i do my laundry :3 yay!
yay!!! finals week!!!!! (i have a gun in my hand)
i literally cannot explain how cooked i am for my calc 1 exam like i think i might have no choice but to switch to business (joke). anyway thanksgiving break made me feel like SHIT and i don't even know why. it's just such a bad place for a break because there's always exams right after and i can't focus on studying if i'm at home hanging out with my cat... like wtf... i also think i'm getting too used to my antidepressant dose so i have been #contemplating some things.. some of which are not so good but #weball. i think i might ask if i can get my dose upped or something #wellbutrinwarrior
but yay i've finally been able to sit down and update my site!! i gave the home page a much needed refresh and revamped my journal page so that (hopefully) i can keep updating it more frequently. with uni i am so fucking busy but i feel like having an outlet is really helpful i just literally never think to use it which is dumb. me when my academically challenging major is academically challenging #AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
oh also i have a job in a research lab now which is super cool. i always just tell people i'm curing malaria (in jest) but in reality we're looking into some possible dna replication mechanisms of falciparum plasmodia to see if it might be a good drug development target. i mostly do pcr and run gels and make lb media but it's pretty fun :P anyway i feel awful so i think im gonna shower and maybe lay on the floor for some time
i have been working so much that it's not even funny!!! i got a summer job at the bank and oh my god it's a lot more exhausting than i thought it would be. i enjoy some parts of it, but a lot of the time it's so monotonous that it just makes me frustrated and super drained. i mean, it's generally been kinda fun though. just something different for me to do instead of sitting at home waiting for the fall semester to start. unfortunately, work has consumed so much of my life that i don't have much else to talk about here ;_; i had my graduation party this past sunday and it was pretty fun! there were some parts that were mildly upsetting but it was a pretty good turnout and i think the decorations were super cute! other than that i guess i'm just waiting for vacation to roll around x_x i hope i can be a little more active on the site even though i'll be pretty busy!
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