good things are coming my way! i finally mustered up the courage and asked one of my best friends (now boyfriend!) out a few weeks ago, which is probably something i should have done a long time ago. we're both stubborn and danced around the idea of dating each other for a frustrating year and a half; in that span of time we were both going through some major life events, which led me to stray away from it. i'm glad i did something, though. he's sweet and kind, and i really enjoy spending time with him. it's a lot easier to start dating somebody that you're already extremely close to, in my opinion. i couldn't ever see myself dating somebody before becoming good friends first. it really takes out a lot of the clumsiness of starting a relationship, since you already know so much about that person! aside from that, i'm also working to get my situation for next year figured out, which has largely relied on me making a college decision. it has been stressful, i admit, but i'm getting a lot more comfortable with the idea of majoring in biochemistry. i'm also keeping genetics on the back burner in case i end up taking a liking to that. a lot of reading on STEM majors made me decide against plain biology or chemistry; they seem to be vague and unspecialized to a fault: i.e., it may be more difficult to find a job with those majors compared to something more specialized. my plans also seem to align well with my boyfriend's, which was always a significant factor for me. even before we were dating, i wanted to be sure that whatever decision i made wouldn't end up severing our ties to each other, since you see that star-crossed high school lovers trope far too often - both in fiction and in real life. despite it being a large factor for me, i was urged not to make major life choices based largely on relationships, which i came to appreciate. if he would have refused to plan around my goals, i think it would have been a sign that we might not have worked out in the long run anyways. with thanksgiving coming up tomorrow, i suppose i do have quite a bit to be thankful for: good advice, good company, and a good outlook :-)!

i felt a little off today, but here's some good news: my passport finally came last week, i got my first tamagotchi (gen 2), we're playing some pretty neat songs in our jazz combo, and i'm getting good grades in my classes! yay!! today i had some weird tremors and shortness of breath that i'm still trying to figure out, and i had some trouble getting focused enough to do my assignments, but otherwise it was okay. i wish i had more time to update my site! i would love to make more pages but i get home so late that i really don't have enough time to set aside. i could probably make it work if it wasn't for the fact that when i code, it's usually in several hour intervals or none at all. it sucks, because i really miss getting to interact with everybody regularly! argh!

hey, it's been a while! i'd like to apologize for the lack of updates; school started recently and i've been very busy. i'll try to keep making little changes here and there, but i doubt i'll be able to make any major changes until i go on break. in other news, i've arranged to go on a very large excursion next june: i'll be visiting a handful of countries in europe!! very very exciting :-) as for today, though, i think i'm gonna go to the bookstore with my friends. i have to say, being productive makes my whole outlook so much more positive. maybe it's because i'm taking classes that i really love, but i don't know. i guess i just like to keep myself busy.

i'm stuck waiting for a bit. school is starting soon but there's not much happening until then. i'm just sitting at home and playing rdr2, working on my french, and doing stuff around the house... it gets a little monotonous ;_; that'll all change pretty soon, though - i might be getting (another*) job! i'm worried about how much of my free time is going to be sapped this year but that's okay. i think i'm meant to be busy, or else i just lose momentum and wind down.

*i work at a library. i only work about 5 hrs a week and my paychecks are not very large. so, if i get this other job, it'll be like having one and a half jobs as opposed to 2.

i've been thinking - should i flee from social media entirely? i don't want to be dramatic, but i'm of the opinion that it's impairing me cognitively! ;_; i was already planning on putting a lot of that stuff behind me once school started because i'll be doing some more intensive classwork that i'd like to immerse myself in (science!!!!!!!!!), but i'm wondering if i shouldn't speed up the process and get a head start by setting it all down now. it would certainly help me acclimate, but i don't know... it's hard to suddenly quit something you're so attached to!

i've really been chipping away at the site today. that usually takes up my whole day when i'm getting really into it, but i did take a bit of a break to make something new for lunch. i'm not necessarily a good cook (likely due to lack of practice) but i'm really trying to branch out and find new, beginner-friendly things to make. today was a stir-fry sort of thing; i used red bell pepper, onion stalks, and sugar snap peas from the garden (yum!!!) along with chicken and a soy sauce, ginger, and garlic mixture for flavor. it was really good, but i didn't make enough! such a bummer :-( at least the taste was alright. i'm going to recreate it again later in the week with some more stuff thrown in now that i have a good grasp of the flavor palette.

in other news, it's one of my best friends' birthdays on wednesday!! we're going to have a little soiree at his house, and i think i'm going to whip up something special. he's not usually too big about birthdays, but i like to make little gifts and surprises. it's one of the ways i can express my love for people without having to say things that make me wince.

happy july, everyone!! i've really been slacking on my journal entries. these past two weeks have been a bit busy for me; i've been spending time with my friends at an unusually frequent rate (which isn't necessarily a bad thing) despite the fact that it really tires me out. i'm not big on fourth of july stuff (especially considering i have little to no pride in my country, especially now) but i watched fireworks and rode ATVs and ate a lot of food with my best pals and lit off some sketchy stuff with my dad and cousin on a gravel road. i've also been working a bit at the public library, which is fun but not as rewarding as it (maybe) ought to be. no matter what i make, i'm glad to help. my boss is nice.

anyways, onto something more abstract that's been on my mind: for some reason, i just got the strange impulse to start accumulating a lot of knowledge. my main inspiration is that i'd like to discover what kind of scientist i'd like to be. i've got a handful of ideas floating around in my mind with no definitive answer, which can be a little frustrating; when someone asks, it's a lot cooler to say that you want to be a biologist or chemist instead of just a "scientist." i also might make a separate journal-ish directory for more abstract thoughts and ramblings, which may go up in flames if i don't decide on a layout for the page.

owwww. i think i have neck pain from my shitty computer posture ;_;... i'm really trying to be better about it, but it would help a lot if i had an office chair or something; most of the time i'm just hunched over on the couch. anyways, i'm really excited about some of the new pages i've been making! i might have been working on them a bit too obsessively, but in my mind it's at least a little better than mindless scrolling (which i would probably be doing lest i have a website to occupy my mind)

i forgot to update about the rest of my vacation while it was happening, but now i feel like there's too much stuff to address, so as to avoid overwhelming myself with details i'm not going to put anything at all. in general, it was pretty great, so that's awesome!

i've had a series of shocking revalations throughout the week. thursday might have been the best day i've had in a while, but friday absolutely crushed my soul. it burnt me out in a psychologically concerning way. it's not even making me remarkably upset anymore; i just feel really empty. i'm thinking i need to pick up something new to distract myself in the face of all this strangeness.

first day of vacation!! hooray!! our flight was at 7 am which SUCKED but we eventually made it to north carolina (which was only mildly grueling). i'm really hyped up to try some new foods while i'm on vacation because where i live is like a barren wasteland when it comes to diverse food options. i tried something mediterranean-ish for lunch (it wasn't authentic by any means, but it had the whole nine yards - kalamata olives, feta, etc). after that we went out and explored the town a bit. in town i tried a "golden milk latte" (otherwise known as a turmeric latte, apparently) at the coffee shop. i didn't know it was a big health craze; i just saw cinnamon and ginger and knew i had to try it. the texture is weird since there's a LOT of powdery spices in it, but i'd order it again if i had the opportunity.

the landscape here is really cool - the midwest is pretty flat, so coming here and seeing the blue ridge mountains on the horizon is pretty neat. i also enjoy the folklore surrounding the appalachian mountains; i think appalachian culture is really interesting too! anyways, for dinner we had authentic middle eastern food. my mom and i split chicken, lamb, and kofta kebabs. my aunt and uncle are vegan so i got to try a good variety of dishes. one of my favorites was falafel - i REALLY wish i had ordered it for myself. i was a bit tentative at first, but it was delicious!!! i know i really only talked about food on my post for today, but i can't explain how cool it is to go from eating plain old things every day to trying completely new stuff, especially when that new stuff is SUPER good.

i went to town today with my pal (estranged lover? idk) and we got coffee and went to the store which was super fun :) i wanted to hang out one more time before i leave for vacation tomorrow, since i'll be gone for a week (and will probably miss him a lot, oops). i'm very excited! i think i'll make a bird blog sometime when i get back so i can record my awesome vacation findings.

wow, it's been a long time since i've updated this thing! i can't believe i just spent a bunch of time coding my website back in 2022 then promptly forgetting about it as soon as i finished. i hope i don't do the same after updating it this time around; i'm about to go on vacation, so i probably won't be updating a ton until i get back, but i'm gonna try to keep up with it.

ughhhhh... this week is just dragging along. for the majority of the days i've been tackling my completely stupid executive dysfunction, and LORD is it tiring. i wish it was easy to convey to people that i'm not late for things because i'm lazy. i feel like if i tried to explain the fact that i physically can't convince myself to get up and do things sometimes makes me sound utterly insane, but it is what it is. on the contrary: today in particular was pretty good! i've been playing a lot of poker recently with my pals in band. (un?)surprisingly, the fact that i might get to play poker later is a huge motivation for me to get up in the mornings... man, i'm so lame.

hey! it's my first post! i'm not even really sure exactly what i'm gonna put here, but i'm sure there'll be some pedantic rants eventually. i originally planned on doing a prospit theme but got a little sidetracked somewhere along the line... aaaand yeah. oh well, i love jane too much to complain. the upkeep with this blog might be quite a bit of work, and i negotiated using a seperate client to give myself a little less of a workload, but i think it's a good opportunity for me to get more comfortable with html if i just do it myself.